I know you all enjoyed the last Dick story so I will get out of my memory stick and give you one more for the weekend.
Several years ago we needed our front and garage doors replaced. We didn't really have the money to have it professionally done and The Dick proclaims to be a handy man sort of guy. They came up during my mom's vacation (a week).
After the first few days we noticed that The Dick had not showered. I asked my mom about it and she said that when he was in the middle of a project he didn't shower. Great all I could think about was the wonderful brass bed with a new mattress that he was sleeping on. I know this defies all logic. If you are working and hot and sweaty you should shower more not less, but nothing makes sense when your dealing with The Dick.
It took The Dick several days to complete the door project. I think it was about day three when my mom asked if she could use the wash machine to do some laundry. Of course, I was more than pleased to hear that at least clothes would be washed. They were sitting in the living room and Hubby and I were in the kitchen when I heard my mom say "Richard, I did white clothes today and could not find any of your underwear. Where are they so that I can get them in the next load?" I could not believe what I heard next, I kid you not, he said "What the (beep) do you mean, I don't have any (beeeping) underwear that is dirty, we have only been here three days." Mom said "well you should have three dirty pair then." He responded with "Well "women" I don't change my (beeping) underwear everyday."
He constantly calls my mom "women", something that CAL has noticed and HATES. I honestly would love to punch his lights out when he does it. I have had SEVERAL dreams where I have done just that. He also swears like an idiot. Almost every sentence that he speaks has some sort of curse word in it. This goes over real well with the Hubby.
So not only has this pig been sleeping in my wonderful brass bed not showered, but it has been with dirty underwear for over three days - I will leave it to your imagination exactly what he sleeps in.
This added to the fact that the Dick NEVER washes his hands, makes for a pleasant visit every time they come. I love my mother. I have no idea where she gets her taste in men. My dad was no prize and when I was a kid I always wondered what she was doing with him. Then she gets her big chance to upgrade and this is what she "upgrades" to.
Just in case you are wondering, I have many more of these types of stories. I know you are just dying to read the next one. I promise the next one will just show what an idiot he is and it won't be anything about his lack of hygiene
6 comments:
OMG!!!! I'm officially grossed out, and it takes a bit to do that to me...!
More Dick, please. It's like a horror movie... though frightened and disgusted, you just can't look away...
I'm with Pam, these Dick stories are like train wrecks. They're horrible to behold, but you can't not watch.
I once had a friend that unfortunately was, uh, hygienecally challenged. Air freshener was a must around him. But he had a decent, if somewhat draining, personality, and at least he'd wash his hands. Dick sounds like he's got my friend beat by miles.
and you wonder why I don't ever come to visit: you let the dick sleep in MY bed in MY bedroom!
Just to make you feel a little better. I had a pee cover on the bed. Basically it was a huge plastic bag that I would put on the mattress when I knew they were coming. Mom asked me several times to take it off because she said it was annoying to sleep on. I always assured her "the next time". Well this went on for several visits and finally her and The Dick took it off themselves. You have NOT slept on that bed since that point.
Oddly enough there have been a few (a very few) times that I have been angry enough at the Hubby that I have actually slept on that bed.
wow, i don't know that i could have someone like that in my house - "family" or not. now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go wash my hands.
I don't consider him part of my family so there is no reason you should. I would NEVER subject a third party to this idiot. Wash you hands and make sure you don't touch any door handles or railings. You would not believe the "cleaning" that is necessary. I pretty much scrub walls and ANYTHING he could have touched. The bathroom is just over the top and usually causes me to throw up at least once while cleaning.
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