I know you all enjoyed the last Dick story so I will get out of my memory stick and give you one more for the weekend.
Several years ago we needed our front and garage doors replaced. We didn't really have the money to have it professionally done and The Dick proclaims to be a handy man sort of guy. They came up during my mom's vacation (a week).
After the first few days we noticed that The Dick had not showered. I asked my mom about it and she said that when he was in the middle of a project he didn't shower. Great all I could think about was the wonderful brass bed with a new mattress that he was sleeping on. I know this defies all logic. If you are working and hot and sweaty you should shower more not less, but nothing makes sense when your dealing with The Dick.
It took The Dick several days to complete the door project. I think it was about day three when my mom asked if she could use the wash machine to do some laundry. Of course, I was more than pleased to hear that at least clothes would be washed. They were sitting in the living room and Hubby and I were in the kitchen when I heard my mom say "Richard, I did white clothes today and could not find any of your underwear. Where are they so that I can get them in the next load?" I could not believe what I heard next, I kid you not, he said "What the (beep) do you mean, I don't have any (beeeping) underwear that is dirty, we have only been here three days." Mom said "well you should have three dirty pair then." He responded with "Well "women" I don't change my (beeping) underwear everyday."
He constantly calls my mom "women", something that CAL has noticed and HATES. I honestly would love to punch his lights out when he does it. I have had SEVERAL dreams where I have done just that. He also swears like an idiot. Almost every sentence that he speaks has some sort of curse word in it. This goes over real well with the Hubby.
So not only has this pig been sleeping in my wonderful brass bed not showered, but it has been with dirty underwear for over three days - I will leave it to your imagination exactly what he sleeps in.
This added to the fact that the Dick NEVER washes his hands, makes for a pleasant visit every time they come. I love my mother. I have no idea where she gets her taste in men. My dad was no prize and when I was a kid I always wondered what she was doing with him. Then she gets her big chance to upgrade and this is what she "upgrades" to.
Just in case you are wondering, I have many more of these types of stories. I know you are just dying to read the next one. I promise the next one will just show what an idiot he is and it won't be anything about his lack of hygiene